CAMP EXCITEMENT

For months now we have talked about, planned and packed for the girls to go to camp. An entire week without Mommy. An entire week without my babies. Both sentences filled with such great anticipation.

The actual day arrives. We are off to Pine Springs Camp. The girls run to the assigned cabin and pick their bunk beds. The same ones each year. Far corner with the ones against the wall so they can tape pictures up. We start to unpack. I am told time and time again.,,,,,.Mommy go home we can do this ourselves. Mommy why did you pack the kitchen sink we do not need all this stuff. Mommy we will be ok go home and have dates with Daddy.

I walked up the hill in excitement of not having to worry about daily breakfast, lunch or dinners. Excitement of having a quiet dinner with my husband without talking in half sentences because of our little listeners. My boss was excited that after 9 years I might actually make it to work on time for 5 days in a row. Excitement that finally after 9 years I could go on a bike ride with Gene on his Harley. I have not done that since before I was pregnant. Excitement that I would have less laundry and less squabbling between the two. Yes; I was indeed just as excited as they were and laugh at Ellie Davis’ comment to advertise Pine Springs as a week long vacation for parents.

But at 9:30 PM when I went into their bedroom to make sure the lights were out I was hit with a wave of sadness that engulfed me. I missed my babies. They were not here for me to get my daily snuggles and kisses. They were not here for me to hear stories of the day or dreams of the future. They were away at camp and probably at that exact moment sitting in front of the fire eating s’mores laughing with kids and counselors who were instead hearing the stories of the day and listening to their laughter instead of me.

The empty nest syndrome hits hard when you have both gone at the exact same time. All those in favor of having twins “to get it all over with at once” could not understand that this is just the beginning for me. Camp is only the start. They learn to drive at the same time, date at the same time and leave for college at the same time. It was all spinning in my head last night until after 4 am when I started to write my typical letters to them. And then as I wrote my heart swelled at the knowledge that my children get to experience so much joy in life in so many ways. Camp is only one part of it. As I allowed my heart to open up I saw that my children have learned so much in life already. Something that tares me apart in reality has let me see that I have done some things right with them.

In a letter I wrote to them when they were just 2 I had wished so many things for them as they grew into adulthood. My wish was that they grow to be confident, independent and loving women who are happy in life. I see my wish has come true long before they have become women. They are confident enough to leave me. They are independent enough to not need me. And they are loving enough to hug every single person they know and couldn’t wait to see at their home away from home aka Pine Springs Camp.

I am missing them like crazy but I am so excited to see them as such loving caring beautiful souls that I must share with the world because that is who they have been created to be.