Every Single Day

Every single day.

That is how often I realize how much I miss him. Few will understand and so I hide my sorrow.

For 31 years, almost my entire adult life, I have known him. He is a mentor and my friend as well as my surrogate father. He has been my children's Pappy Dave as he created a nursery in the office for them and helped care for them. We have argued, we have laughed but most importantly we trust each other. I see and speak to him each day more than others in my life; and that included my husband who often teased me about my work spouse. I made few major decisions without consulting him first.

Many felt my loyalty was wrong. Time and time again I have been asked “Why do you care or work so hard it isn’t your company? You don’t owe him anything why do you stay?” It is easy enough to give excuses like I am too old to change jobs or just where would I go or what would I do. Who would hire me, etc.

But the reality is this… I would no sooner leave Dave right now than I would a husband or a parent who would be going through this. This is because Dave is a combination of all of them combined and this is why it hurts so much to see him this way.

This the man who was so strong and so knowledgable now asks me the same questions over and over each day. This the man who knew me, my moods, my reasons for everything now looks at me with question. This the man I rarely went a day without talking to forgets a conversation we had five minutes ago. This the man who ran a very successful company now looks to me for daily assignments that will keep him busy.

I know why he started his practice and why he continues with it. Just because his memory is fading does not mean mine is. Out of love and respect for this man who stood strong for me I will stand strong for him.

That doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt….every single day. When he comes asking me something that he should know by heart I feel the sorrow deep inside. I see him slipping away. I can’t grab him and yank him back in place and hope the complete Dave will be back tomorrow. That doesn’t mean that I won’t still drive to work each morning praying today will be good. As well as pray that I will have patience to remember that as I answer the same questions over and over as he did for me years ago.

So my prayer tonight is this…….

I pray to you my dear Lord that as this upcoming busy time comes that you please help me keep my anger in check as my days grow long, and I grow weary and tired. Dave, my husband and my kids deserve a better me so I need to resist giving into my anger. Give me strength to do my job as well as his job with the dignity he had. And if you could add a little guidance to help me through this sorrow and move past my frightened state of mind so I can allow my mind to focus on the path you are leading me down right now.

Faithfully and Eternally Yours